The Tin Lizard

Poor Mileage? Blame Your Driving

A woman in California sued Honda in small claims court because her Honda didn't get the mileage claimed in the EPA  standards.  A judge has appeared to take the claim seriously enough to rule -- depending on which source you choose -- that Honda should pay some inflated price for the gas the car owner didn't save...

SCR-I-I-I-I-T-C-C-H !!  (Remember the days of long-play vinyl records when the needle would jump its track and skid across the record surface?)  What's wrong with this picture?

It's hard to believe any judge in the land would take this claim even halfway seriously.  Only in California, maybe.  There IS a limit to caveat emptor, but there's also a limit to how uninformed a consumer ought to be. 

What, Ms. Carowner didn't realize (?) that EPA mileage estimates are just that - estimates?  Did she not notice the disclaimer on all those car-window stickers, that actual driving mileage may vary?  Or did anyone guarantee her a certain mpg?  Well, surely not, since any idiot should know that the mileage you get is going to depend on how you drive, as much as what you drive.  Not to mention weather conditions, terrain, tires, whether you're running the a/c, and a host of other conditons.

Honda says it will appeal a decision that goes against them.  And well they should, as it's hard to imagine it wouldn't be overturned.  Consumers need common sense and a basic wariness about advertising claims; they need to inform themselves. 

Reducing Clutter

I'm no fan of clutter, but I have to admit it's easy to let unused junk pile up around the house.  For most of my life, childhood to retirement, clutter was seldom a problem because I moved on average every couple of years, and each move meant scrapping anything that didn't absolutely have to be packed up.  More recently, though, after a decade or more in the same house, it was clear something needed to be done to reduce the bulk of unwanted objects.  So last week we started. 

Throughout the year, but especially around the New Year, you can read or view dozens of advice columns on how to get rid of your junk.  Usually, they boil down to one basic principle:  If you don't need it and don't use it, get rid of it.  I don't need that advice.  I know the drill, but if you don't I would warn you that the phrase "get rid of it" trips too blithely off the tongues of these organization experts.

The trouble is that deciding what to throw out is only part of the task, and perhaps the easiest part.   Then you have to figure out how you want to get rid of it.  I suppose if you're willing, you can just put everything out for the garage truck, especially if all you're discarding is broken toys and worn-out clothing.   But if you want to toss things responsibly, effectively, and with maximum positive effect, there's lots more to it.

Prep the trash?  If it's really trash, sure, you'll pitch it.  But what about those old half-full cans of latex paint?  In our jurisdiction you are supposed to set them somewhere, remove their lids, and let them dry out completely; then they're eligible for the landfill.  Believe me, it takes a while - you may be able to discard them in two or three months.

Want to recycle?  Personally, I'll even take stuff apart to recycle it (separate the old snow shovel blade from its handle, break the old lawn mower down into metal and other materials).  Things need sorting, in many jurisdictions:  paper, plastic, metal, hazardous materials, large bulky items.  Some are picked up at your curb, others need to be taken somewhere, and still others require you to schedule somebody to pick them up. 

Hate to throw out usable items?  Maybe you know someone who would really use one or two of those items.  Otherwise, many charities actually call regularly seeking donations of clothes and common household goods, and many of them will pick up things from your doorstep, but you'll need to bundle them in bags or boxes somehow and arrange a pickup, which may be weeks away. 

Get cash for your trash?  Some people hold yard sales, which is a good deal of work.  Then there are the online auction systems, though we reserve this treatment for stuff that may really be worth something because we've found the description, photographing, listing, selling, and shipping progress can be pretty onerous too.

Find some items you aren't sure about?  The old but high-quality stereo system you put away, thinking to replace the amplifier with a functional used one to make it whole again; the slide-out drawer from a cabinet that should be put back but needs a special hinge mount.  Maybe you'll resolve to get those little chores done -- which of course will cost you more time. 

Even when all that is done, and all the junk is out of the house, we found we needed to clean up the shelves or closets where all those castoff goods used to sit; and also reorganize whatever is left.

The upshot was that we made decisions about what to "get rid of" in a total of about two hours.  Ten days later, we've spent an estimated 10-12 hours on the followup; much (not all) of the junk is finally gone but some of the selling and repair jobs remain to be done.  That simple phrase "get rid of it" is something like an iceberg, with big (but not Titanic) implications.  It can be done!

Dumb And Dumber

At Christmas, an in-law and reader of this blog gave me the "Stupidest Things Ever Said" calendar.  At first I thought it might be a bunch of stuff he had personally culled from my two blogs - my mistaken political predictions, or my half-baked ideas about what makes good marketing, and what doesn't.  Much to my relief, however, it was "stupidest things" that other people had said.   So now I look forward to exploring its daily revelations, some of which may even spark some bloggish intervention right here on The Tin Lizard.

MEANTIME, however, I find the daily news is also a source of plenty of humorous idiocy.  Just within the past day or two, I see the following items that may appear in next year's calendar:

College Rankings:   Lists of one thing or another seem always to be popular.  Now, after many serious attempts to rank universities and colleges such as the most-cited one from U.S. News & World Report, apparently various other media have searched for other ways to rank colleges, from "hairiest," to "most Harry-Potterish."  And as the item says, what possible use could rankings on these scales have?  I guess the article provides its own answer.  Yes, indeed, it seems as if:

"...anyone anywhere can rank anything using any information — and student newspapers will write about how their schools fared while national media outlets will blog it as news." (My emphasis.)

Columbia Gem Of The Oshin:  A runaway teenager from Texas ended up in custody and falsely claimed to be an illegal immigrant from Colombia, in South America.  Smart move!  Accordingly, she was deported there.  She's now being returned.  Her mother is complaining, but why should she?  It's a weird case because both the U.S. ICE, and Colombian consulate representatives in the U.S. evidently believed her story, even though - according to a facsimile of a form I saw on the TV version of this story - she misspelled the name of the country she claimed to be from.

A Mitt By Any Other Name:  Last and possibly least, I reference Al Kamen's regular "In the Loop" column in the Washington Post, and specifically the last paragraph of it.  Since Kamen's column is long and deals with a number of other subjects, and the part I want was spotted only by my sharp-eyed better half, I'll just quote it here for convenience:

Fits like a glove

In one of the most meaningful polls of the Republican presidential contest thus far, it seems that a full 2 percent of voters think that former Massachusetts governor Mitt Romney’s full first name is . . . Mittens.

Another 2 percent, according to the poll by “60 Minutes” and Vanity Fair, thought it was Gromit, 8 percent thought Milton and 18 percent figured on Mitchell.

Silly electorate. Of course, everyone knows it’s Mitterrand, right?

Silly electorate, indeed.  They think his name is "Mittens?"  And silly serious news media; who would spend time doing such a poll anyway?   Actually, I did a little research and found that Romney is using an alias.  Mitt is his middle name; his real name is Willard.  Wow, if that gets out, he'll be out of the Presidential race in a heartbeat (though we did once elect a "Millard").   And if Wikipedia can be believed, Mitt is his full middle name; he was named after a relative whose name was "Milton" (but was affectionately known as Mitt).

 

Fire Hot

No doubt everyone has heard or seen some news clip about the Christmas fire in Connecticut that killed five members of one family.   It seems to have attracted a little more attention than the numerous fatal fires that occur across the country nearly every day, I suppose because it happened in a large, expensive house in a fancy neighborhood.

Reports concerning the origin of the fire soon surfaced: 

"a family friend who had worked on the home as a contractor ... according to firefighters, is believed to have placed the ashes in or outside an entryway, near the trash." 

This is of course a huge tragedy, and I don't mean to disparage the sorrow of the woman whose parents and three children died, or the undoubted guilt being experienced by the "family friend," but geezo-peezo, I'm really bowled over by how dumb this guy - a contractor, no less - must be.  Mistakes can happen, and many people wander through life unconscious, but even a caveman should know better:   "Hey, Unggh, dis red stuff hot! Make fire!"  I guess it's a caution for us all.  But seldom do we learn from other people's mistakes. 

Field Of Dreams No More

The Iowa cornfield that was the location for the famous movie "Field of Dreams" (1989) has been sold.  The new owners say they will preserve the 193-acre site's "baseball legacy" as a "special place," yet the fact remains that they plan to turn it into a commercial complex called "All-Star Ballpark Heaven."  So, while they may preserve it, they will also develop it, changing its nature.

The news strikes me as sad.  It's not a baseball story, even if it is being announced just as the World Series ends.  It's just another tale in the panorama of man's continuing effort to leave no square inch of the globe untouched by his "improvements."  The current owners, who've had the property since before the movie, began the process (with the willing help of the movie moguls); the new owners merely continue it. 

We're always told that there is "plenty of land" in the United States.  Yet overall, the process is inexorable, unless a plague or unexpected climatic cataclysm puts an end to human population growth.  Already, much of the land that remains unexploited is in inhospitable areas - arid desert or steep mountains (we'll get to them eventually too).  It's all very well to set aside national parks and wilderness areas (though in many we permit all sorts of un-wilderness-like activity, from mining to snowmobiling). 

More pertinent, I think, is what land remains available for cultivation; as population growth continues unabated, food shortages and even more serious water shortages threaten increasingly large swathes of territory.  Malthus could not have imagined the kind of population growth we now experience.  He is often considered to have been "wrong" in his predictions, but perhaps he was far more prescient than anyone realized.   How can a constantly decreasing supply of arable land continue to feed a constantly increasing supply of humans?  Is a second "green revolution" in the offing?  Experts say not.

Personally, I'm waiting for the news that a sports complex, a shopping center, or even a parking lot has been sold for "dedevelopment," and will be returned to its natural state.    

Brookstone Against DST? I Wish!

One of the few ads that escaped my spam filter lately was from Brookstone.  The subject line said "Forget Daylight Savings Time" [sic].  I opened it, realizing that despite appearances, it probably was not meant to discourage people from seeking bargains during daylight hours, and hoping against hope it might be devoted to the many reasoned arguments against the idiocy of Daylight Saving Time [no "s"].

No such luck, of course.  They're selling a tabletop clock that automatically adjusts itself to the semiannual shifts, so you don't have to.   You the customer will have to decide whether this convenience is worth seventy bucks plus shipping.  You may also be tempted to wonder about the item's quality, considering they're also offering an extended one-year warranty on it for a mere $10 more.

Well, I must credit Brookstone - life hands us the DST lemon, and they are making lemonade and selling it dear.  Meanwhile, for the past several weeks (and for two more until November 6, when we finally get relief from the yoke of Congressional time) I've had to postpone my morning exercise for an hour or more until it's light enough for me to see I'm not putting my foot into a pothole that will break my ankle.  I hope Brookstone will get in touch again when they've got a device that will recapturer that lost time.

The Power-Outage Gourmet: Twinkies And Spam?

We weren't terribly hard-hit, in the Washington area, by Hurricane Irene, but nevertheless, when people hear that a category-3 hurricane is headed their way, they do tend to prepare a bit. 

We naturally assume the power will go out during such storms.  Oddly, it didn't, this time, but normally it takes little more than the breeze stirred by a butterfly's wing to knock out our power around here. Nevertheless, the frequency of being without electricity for days has created a whole new branch of cuisine as we all try to plan for having a several meals without having to open the fridge. 

Sausage (to be grilled outdoors), potato salad, the makings of a chicken sandwich, all in the cooler?  Sure.  But we also make sure we have some of the stuff that doesn't need cooking:  Canned tuna, peanut butter, hard-boiled eggs, ham, canned soup (which can be heated on the grill if you're persnickety), crackers and such.  I believe I could probably live for a week on potato chips - but that's just me.  These things are generally around the house, so we don't usually race out to the grocery store to stock up.

This article offers a somewhat tongue-in-cheek look at the things people buy.  Most of the snack foods mentioned here don't appeal much (pop tarts? no thanks!) though the mention of Twinkies elicits a slight sniffle of childhood nostalgia -- a favorite then, but I haven't eaten one in probably over 50 years, not even a deep fried one.  On the other hand, I recommend Spam as the perfect food for the "powerless."  It needs no refrigeration and you can do almost anything with it:  cold from the can with a spoon, sliced on crackers or in a sandwich, cooked on a grill, tie it in a knot/tie it in a bow... you name it.  Unfortunately my wife, whom I love dearly but in a very few minor matters suffers from blind spots, turns up her nose at the thought of Spam, so I don't buy it.  A power-outage food that not everyone in the house will eat isn't very practical.

Another useful point that I was reminded of in the storm:  So much of the bottled food we buy - condiments, salad dressings, and the like - come with reminders to "refrigerate after opening."  I was astounded to find that legend on a bottle of rice vinegar I bought just the other day.  Vinegar?  C'mon, now!  I suppose mayonnaise still should be kept chilled (though I suspect the commercial version these days has enough preservatives to choke a horse) but otherwise I think back to days of yore, when I can clearly recall my mother never kept such stuff as salad dressing in the refrigerator.  We kept only mustard there, because my dad thought mustard tasted better cold (same with his bottled picked pigs' feet).  Even today, we still don't keep ketchup, chili sauce, or hot sauces under refrigeration.  A lot of these items, loaded with salt and other preservatives, seem to do just fine on the shelf.     

Trust And The Internet

I am sometimes amazed by the touching degree of trust people seem to have in the internet.  Naivete is understandable when you're a 13-year old and parents seem to understand they need to protect their kids - if they can - from some of the dangers that may lurk.

Yet the parents themselves show a lack of appreciation for the dangers to which they may expose themselves by the things they do on the web.  Online purchases? Banking?  Most understand that where there's money, there's a risk, yet that risk is mitigated by multiple layers of security, frequent changes of your password, and various other safeguards.  Nevertheless, it seems nearly every month there's another report of a massive compromise of people's credit card data, and identity theft remains a big twenty-first century headache.

How much worse is it then, to put your main asset - your home - up for grabs to strangers?  Various online schemes for house-swapping, or room exchanges, seem to be gaining traction.  Personally, I just can't imagine making a decision to walk off for a week and leave the house in the possession of someone I knew nothing about, and whom I had never met more than a few days or hours beforehand.  I suppose it depends on your view of human nature.  I do think most of us believe that most people are good, responsible, well-intentioned, honest ... in short, "like us."  

That may be true, yet it takes only one bad apple to create serious unpleasantness or worse.  Consider the recent problems faced by at least one participant in "Airbnb," an outfit that tries to match up people who want to rent out a room or a house with would-be renters.  We can sympathize with crime victim "EJ," who tells us that Airbnb's site led her to think renters had been screened somehow.  But we also have to ask, "how could you" have considered getting into this deal?  Evidently there are a lot of trusting souls out there like EJ, because the company is going public and is considered a hot prospect.  I suppose the same people whose judgment is clouded enough to extend full trust to a total stranger may also think a company whose business could evaporate after one or two more such stories would be a good investment.   

Ronald Reagan had it right in his approach to the Soviet Union on arms control:  "Trust but verify."  Even verification, however, can be meaningless on the internet, where almost anything can be faked. 

   

Moochy Of Chincoteague

The famous wild horses of Assateague Island, Virginia represent a majestic and well-meaning effort on the part of man to preserve a bit of wildness against human population pressures.  But the horses are getting into a bind.  Like bears at Yellowstone, these critters have come to like human food, and are becoming aggressive with the human visitors to obtain it.   (At least the horses have good taste:  I like potato chips and marshmallows myself.  But that diet isn't as healthy for horses as it is for people.)

The problem, of course, is not the horses but the people.  Who might have been the first idiot who offered them a bit of their picnic food?  Tourists never learn.  On the other hand, from what I can see of the description of the problem in this article, the authorities who manage the park ought to have seen the problem and done something about it long ago.   They're now getting around to trying more serious ways to separate people and horses.  But I suspect the only thing that's going to work is to make the park like some of the safari parks in Africa:  Nobody goes in except in a van, in a group, with a guide.  If there must be picnic areas, they must be fenced off and inaccessible by the horses.  

Signals Of The Times

This morning on my daily walk I happened to think about the old hand signals for turns.  In driver training we were all taught these:  left arm straight out the window, left turn; arm cocked at a 90-degree angle, right turn; arm downward, slowing down.  Now, it occurs to me to wonder if anyone under about 50 would even recognize these signals today.

What? You say we don't need them because turn signals are electric?  Twenty years ago I might have agreed with that, but in my observation nowadays, we're seeing a trend away from using our electric turn signals.  Judging from how many folks I see NOT using them at all, it seems there are a lot of people who are worried it will run down their batteries, or cost them too much in replacement bulbs.  So maybe we should revive the old hand signals?  Pie in the sky, of course.   People who can't take the trouble to signal a turn with a simple flip of the wrist from inside their air-conditioned, roofed cabin certainly aren't going to take the trouble to get a window down and stick their arm out of it, taking a chance on it getting wet or hot.  I guess it's more likely that manufacturers will just stop putting turn signals on vehicles (which may occur about the same time they stop putting hand brakes in them).

I'll miss them, if only for the little turn-signal memories they evoke:   

A foreign visitor once quipped to me that it seemed turn signals were optional equipment on cars in the U.S.

Ah, but that visitor was from northern Europe (U.K. or Germany as I recall).  In Rome, and in many crowded cities around the world, turn signals aren't generally used at all, and progress in driving depends on taking advantage of every little opening to edge forward, while never, never looking behind you.

Turkey was somewhat like that too, but one difference we observed was that Turks often seemed to clock about as many miles in reverse as they did in forward gears.  By that time (late 1980s) cars of course had backup lights, but as often as not, these seemed to have burned out (maybe from overuse?) or maybe had just been disconnected on the theory they gave an unfair advantage to the following driver.  

In Liberia in the mid-1970s there were only hand signals, and there was only one:  An arm out the window, hand flapping idly, meant: (a) I'm turning right; (b) I'm turning left; (c) I'm doing a U-turn; (d) I'm slowing down; (e) watch out, police ahead; (f) the bridge ahead is washed out; (g) I'm thinking about doing something, but haven't decided yet; (h) I spilled my drink on my hand; or (i) nearly anything else.  But the system seemed to work.

In Paris in the late 1940s I remember the old Citroëns with the turn signals that were mounted on an arm that folded flush into the car body, but would snap out from the space in between the front and rear doors when you activated them. 

A recent weird variant of turn-signal placement has popped up on the market just within recent months:  At least one maker is mounting turn signals and brake lights very low on the rear corners of the vehicle; they may even be embedded in the bumper.  Although I don't have the details of make and model, two things are clear to me: These signals are too low to be readily visible, and because of their placement, they are going to need to be replaced after the least minor fender-bender.  A bad idea, I think.