The Tin Lizard

Would-Be Wood

A cheap vinyl door caught my eye for some reason a few days ago, and was struck by a curious paradox:

Real wood, when used in doors, window frames, or elsewhere where it intended to be painted rather than left natural, is usually sanded smooth.

Fake plastic wood (some like to call it vinyl) usually has a very clear man-made grain. 

So the manufacturers of these artificial materials try to make us think their fake stuff is the real stuff, by purposely making it look like ... fake stuff!

It's hard to figure, but I am willing to bet they have a marketing survey somewhere that demonstrates that people really are subliminally comforted  -- deep in the dinosaur part of the brain, they must associate "grain = wood" and that makes the artificial seem less artificial. 

The Joys Of Twenty-First Century Travel

The Lizard was off the air for quite a while.  Too long. It all started when Tin got jealous of the Geico gecko, doing all that running around the country, and decided to take a trip with his wife (named "Liz," of course).  

To Alaska.  On a cruise.  Their first.  That part was kind of "OK," although even the lizards -- who are used to sitting around on a rock all day soaking up sun -- found the long sea voyages in between ports, looking at  nothing but choppy waves and trees, just a tad boring.  So, lesson learned.

But the main delay in T.L.'s getting back to work was thanks to his airline.  United.

First was the trip from Vancouver to Chicago.  The plane was one of those Euro-things, with a model number like maybe 317.  It didn't take long (about 30 seconds) to note that the seats were peculiarly shallow (front of seat to back).  They seemed to be only about 12-13" deep, and were very uncomfortable, providing no thigh support at all.  They were also set too close to the floor. 

It was evident once again that that Vietnamese cabin designer whom I've mentioned before, the guy who used to design the tiger cages for American prisoners such as Sen. John McCain, seems to have found employment laying out passenger cabins for airlines.  While these Euroseats may have been OK for short Euroflights of a couple of hourse, they were pure torture to sit in for five hours.   T.L. hobbled around in pain for about two days after he got home to Virginia.

But the airline wanted to do a thorough job.  So, on the connecting flight from Chicago, it placed a hacking, sneezing, coughing -- I'm saying SICK, here -- young fellow right in front of Tin and Liz.   So it was no big surprise that, about the time they stopped hobbling around, they came down with probably the worst colds they had ever had.  Even as healthy reptiles in good condition, it took them nearly three weeks to get back to "normal."  (We wonder how many others on that flight got ill.  Well, the silver lining was that at least it wasn't ebola.)

So again, lesson learned:   Want to go away for a week?  Think twice.  Even a perfect trip can represent serious discontinuity for a blogger.  Remember, travel disrupts -- and for all we know, absolute travel may disrupt absolutely.